The Christmas Wars, Part 1

Three billion human childhoods ended in the first year of The Christmas Wars. The cries of the children, the wailing of their parents, the pleading of the department stores and online tchotchke shops. We all began losing hope of any Christmas future at all after the Krampus began raining his schnapps-based napalm on our most adorable and sleepiest little towns, incinerating all cheer. Baking our merriment until it was nothing more than a crispy, flavorless burnt cookie. The Krampus was too strong, too well armed, too drunk.

Until...